The Hill is Getting Steeper...

Wow it’s been a long week. It can’t only be Tuesday?!?!  Catching up since last appointment….Sorry this is so long!!

The Good:   Liv’s ‘big chemo’ went, well, as good as can be!  We got the numbing cream on her port early, had a quick breakfast, and got her checked in.  In the car on the way to the hospital we talked about ways that we can get mentally prepared for the morning.  One of the things we discussed was meditation.  Uncle Micah had sent some links to guided meditations specifically for kids so we practiced on the way to Rady’s.  (This proved to be such a huge help!!)

Check in was smooth and she was in good spirits. She listened and seemed to absorb more of the calming meditative messages.  We had nurse Sam who we knew from before and this really helped with Liv's comfort level as well as keep things running smooth.  Blu asked for... well, directed really... a countdown to 5 before they  access the port, but to actually put the needle in her port on the count of 3 so she wouldn't know it was coming.  Nurse Sam followed instructions and port access went over really well. 

Once the port was in, she looked up to DaddyMax and with her bottom lip out said, "can I cry now?" It was obvious she had been working so hard to be strong and just wanted to feel like she had done her best.  Max, of course, said yes to his baby girl and she immediately grabbed and hugged him and then pulled me into the family hug.  We all held each other until she was ok.   

She was SO brave!!!!  She was SO proud of herself and kept saying, “I was really brave huh?”  Out of all the things that she can't control, I think this was one thing she recognized that she could control so it was important to acknowledge this accomplishment.  We cheered and loved on her and she was happy.  (her need to control comes from me and I can't control Cancer... I try but I can't.  Liv is trying to control what she can and we have to support the things she can and help her to let go of the things she can't) God I love this baby.

Once the port was in and the blood drawn, she and Max went for a walk around the Oncology floor while I chatted with the nurse manager about the day’s treatment and what to expect for the future.  It took about an hour to get the lab results back and we were cleared for the chemo to be administered.  The chemo itself doesn't take long so only a few minutes later the tubes were removed and we were on our way home.  See ya !!!! (for Liv, thumbs up, sideways or down is a legit form of communication so this was positive!) 

We out!!

When Liv was originally hospitalized I had the chance to meet another mom that had been at Rady’s with her son for a shocking 31 days!  Her 4yr old baby boy, Jace, has to do 3 YEARS of chemo and it is administered into his spine :-/  (omg, trust me when I say we feel blessed... Liv has 6 months of chemo and they only have to access the port in her chest- trust me people- it can always be worse so look on the bright side!)  Needless to say she was a wealth of knowledge!  She suggested giving the anti nausea meds, Zofran, just before the chemo dose is due to be administered so that we get ahead of and ‘catch’ the sick feeling before it hit.  We took her advice and it really seemed to help.  

We seemed to manage her nausea fairly well for the first 48 hours but we didn't want to continue dosing her much more than we that due to the other potential side effects like headaches.   However, once we scaled back the Zofran she seemed to decline a little and it was definitely touch and go for awhile with her being sick and in a fair amount of discomfort. 

The not so Good:  Her hair is falling out rapidly.  Like, fists full.  We talk about it.  She gets it.  It sucks but she still has an overall positive outlook.  I think this affects DaddyMax and me more than it does her if that is possible?

She's losing so much hair that it's laying around in piles so Liv being Liv decided she would collect it and make something out of it.  Of course, she made a “hair heart.”  She named it “Hairy Sr." because she already named the mole on her harm "Hairy."  She's been carrying Sr. around with her.  Maybe it gives her comfort? 

All in all she has been positive about the hair issue…. however, me?  Not so much... it makes me cry.  She used to have so much hair a comb wouldn’t go through it and now... bald spots and thinning.  

Auntie Wood sent a few fun hats and Joy from Little Locks sent some new headbands. F*ckCancer!

So what's a girl to do if she's losing all of her hair?  We hit the wig store....

Liv always wants to feel connected to us and even more so with all that is going on.  So we hit Verizon to take advantage of a ridiculously good deal and got Liv and Jet these super cool GizmoGadget watches that are actually phones that can call and text! (thank you Amanda for the recommendation!)  The kids LOVE them!!  We stored 9 ‘quick messages’ and 6 phone numbers so they can, at any time, reach someone.  This was super helpful in relieving some of Liv’s anxiety about being at school or away from us.  I was a little nervous as to what Liv’s teacher would say on Monday but she thought it was a "brilliant" idea :)  Both kids love them and I highly recommend them for all parents wanting to connect with their young children but don't necessarily want to jump straight to a smart phone. We got a deal on the watches and then it's only $5 a month from Verizon.

Today is Tuesday and Liv didn’t go to school.  She wasn’t feeling well.   I hate not being able to be right next to her when she's hurting :-/  Luckily I got to go visit her for just a few minutes today.  She definitely seemed "off"... not her normal self.  She seemed very tired and, unfortunately, she's having to carry some extra emotional weight on top of having cancer.  

Friday is her next chemo and given that her big dose was this last Friday her ‘counts’ should be low which is when she is most susceptible to infection.  I don’t think she will be able to attend school at all next week but I'm trying to think positive, as hard as it is, and praying for her to feel ok.  I’ve officially taken every Friday off for the next 5 months unpaid to be with her so I take comfort in knowing that whether I get her at home, or have to be with her elsewhere, I WILL be with her. PERIOD.

Cool photo of Liv's scar (And the original Hairy).  To be honest, I can't believe how good this looks!  I mean, they took out a 2lb tumor and her kidney out and this is all she has to show for it.  I am thrilled that this will fade over time :)  Of course if you ask Liv she will tell you the story of how we were camping one day and we left a jar of honey out on the table only to have a nasty gnarly bear come to take a swipe at Jet and steal the honey only for her to jump in front of Jet at the last second, saving his life!  Or, how this one time a shark tried to eat her and got a good bit in but......."you should see the Shark!" she says :-) 

Thank you to Terry & Greg, Danielle, Joy, Micah and Brooke, Tracy and Emilio, Max's amazing family, Annabelle, Paul, Liz, (I love you), Jason and Kurt (amazing cooking skills!), Brian & Janine & Mia, and so many others that my brain can't think of right now!  So sorry for forgetting people this week but we have been loved on by so many people and we are so thankful- It does take a village!- I need a nap :-)

Mommy out!